5 signs you've met your perfect match - By Amy Spencer

Wonder if this one's the one? Below, some telltale tip-offs you two are headed for happily-ever-after—plus, five clear-cut clues that spell bad news.

First, the good news: You're headed toward happily ever after if…

1. You discover quirky things you have in common
It's one thing to discover you both like the new Coldplay album. It's another to discover your tastes or habits jibe in more surprising ways. "What confuses people is that they think they're a match because they have things in common that many people have in common, like favorite books or songs, so they're fooled into thinking they're on the same wavelength," says Sam R. Hamburg, Ph.D., author of Will Our Love Last? "The more uncommon and surprising your similarities are, the better." That was definitely the case for one Rochester, New York dater named Patrick McAvoy. "I have this weird habit of belting out what I'm doing in song, so when I started dating Bethany, one morning I started singing 'Here I am, in the shower...' to the tune of Jesus Christ Superstar," recalls the 29-year-old. "When she started singing back, making up more words to the same tune, I couldn't believe it! I knew it would work out." And it has—for three years so far.

2. Neither of you flinch when the future comes up
It's a new-couple nightmare: One of you blurts out something like, "Ooh, next summer we should go to Greece"—and then freezes, fearing the other person will think, "Next year? We don't even know if we'll make it to next month!" But if you and your date don't bat an eye — or better, smile and agree — you've successfully crossed a crucial divide. "It's a sign that you both feel stable in the relationship," says Sharyn Wolf, author of So You Want To Get Married: Guerilla Tactics For Turning A Date Into A Mate. So while we don't suggest making plans with your date for next Christmas, take careful notes on what happens if you do mention some advance planning.

3. It's super-important that your friends like your new partner
You thought introducing your date to your parents was the ultimate test? On the contrary, introducing him or her to your friends is even more pivotal. That's because while you can't choose your family, you can choose your friends, so they reflect the person you've become over the years. So if you find yourself prepping your pals about someone you'd "really like them to meet," it's a sign you're seeing this relationship as more than just a fling. "When I introduced my girlfriend Yvi to my friends, I was completely nervous beforehand because we were from such different worlds—she was a Hispanic girl from Newark, and I was a banker from the Jersey shore," says Dave Koczan-Santiago. "And truthfully, things didn't click right away. But when I realized how important it was to me that they all like each other, I knew the relationship was a bigger deal to me than I even thought it was. Now here we are, ten years later, happily married."

4. You think in "we" terms even when the going gets tough
Sooner or later, all couples start transitioning from "Hey, what are you doing Saturday night?" to "Hey, what are we doing Saturday night?" Sure, that's good, but for a real gauge on your relationship, see how you react to these scenarios: If your date wants to leave a party early, do you happily offer to leave as a couple, rather than feeling annoyed or wanting to stay on your own? If your boss wants you to plan a business trip, do you wonder whether it fits with your sweetie's schedule? These are signs you're truly willing to merge lives, and it's all the more telling if you weren't into your date's "thing" to begin with. "I live in New York and could live my whole life without a car and be happy, but when my boyfriend said he wanted to bring his Chevy pickup with him when he moved here from Boston, of course I offered to help him find cheap insurance and parking," says Erin Brennan. "The interesting thing is that after driving it a few times and investing all the time in helping him, I found myself telling people about 'our' truck and really starting to understand why he loves it so much."

5. You constantly stumble across things you want to share
Most couples will exchange a few "thinking of you" phone calls or emails when they're apart. But if you can't walk down the street without tripping over some funny story to tell later or can't leave a store without thinking at least once, "Oh, my sweetie would love that…" then things are rosy indeed. Basically, it's a sign that while you may not realize you're thinking about your date, you are and just can't help it, explains Wolf.

Now, the bad news: You could be headed toward a dead end if…

1. You roll your eyes at each other during an argument
You say potato, your date says… well, even if he or she says it the same way, it's a given you're not going to see eye-to-eye on everything. And that's okay—your differences are what make things interesting! But while disagreeing is fine, it's bad news if one of you rolls your eyes at the other during the argument. "The reason you roll your eyes at someone is because the other person is saying something you think makes absolutely no sense to you and you don't respect what they're saying," says Hamburg. And since R-E-S-P-E-C-T is the cornerstone to any good relationship, take any eye-rolling you or your mate does as a bad omen.

2. You can't handle the uncomfortable silences
Every date has its quiet lulls here and there when the dialogue runs dry, and if these moments don't faze you, congratulations for reaching that comfort level. But if you find yourself squirming in your seat, trying to come up with things to say, checking your cell phone hoping to find a voicemail, or going back to the same old topics ("Have you talked to your sister lately?") that could spell trouble, since it shows you're not really relaxed when you're around them. Take it from Jason Parker of Atlanta: "The whole time my date and I were eating dinner, we'd have moments of silence during which she kept checking her cell phone," he says. "Finally I asked her if she was waiting for a call, and she said, 'No, I'm just checking the time.' As if that was any better!" Whether this gal was indeed nervous or just plain rude, either way Jason was relieved when their brief relationship was happily over.

3. Your dates are always chock-full of distractions
It's healthy for you and your love to fill your time together with fun activities and mutual friends—that is, as long as that's not all you do together. "It's not a good sign if the only things you're saying to each other are, 'Let's hang with friends, or let's do something like go to the ballgame or a movie,'" says Wolf. The reason: These things are buffers that help you avoid really getting to know each other, which may indicate that your one-on-one time ain't so thrilling. If an offer of "Tonight, let's just hang out together alone" doesn't sound exciting, ask yourself: Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this person?

4. You find yourself criticizing little things about each other
Everyone tends to be positive to each other on the first few dates, "but if the other person starts making critical comments like they don't like what you're wearing, that's not good," says Dr. Hamburg. Criticism, whether you realize it or not, is a way of pushing someone away—so if either of you are saying things that seem innocuous like, "That shirt looks weird" or "How can you stand living on this street?" you're tapping into a bigger problem. "As time passes, you should find yourself wanting to treat your partner as well as you did at the beginning of your relationship," says Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D., a relationship expert in New York, NY. If not, consider this breakdown in polite behavior very bad news.

5. You only want to deal with each other when the chips are up
It's a red flag if the person you're with gives you the cold shoulder when you're not feeling hunky dory about something in your life. Happily-ever-after means loving — or at least liking — someone when life isn't so sweet. "I was seeing a guy who was usually wonderful, but when I would have a bad day and wanted to just talk to him or be near him, I'd call, and he wouldn't call back for days," says Rachel Harrison of Brooklyn, NY. "He just didn't seem to want to know the whole me, in good times and bad." And being able to weather the tough times — together — is definitely a quality that every good relationship needs.

Rise & Fall

"Our greatest Glory is not in never failing, but in rising up everytime we fail"

- Ralph Emerson.

勇氣 (梁靜茹)

終於作了這個決定　別人怎麼說我不理
只要你也一樣的肯定
我願意天涯海角都隨你去
我知道一切不容易
我的心一直溫習說服自己
最怕你忽然說要放棄

愛真的需要勇氣　來面對流言蜚語
只要你一個眼神肯定　我的愛就有意義
我們都需要勇氣　去相信會在一起
人潮擁擠我能感覺你　放在我手心裡
你的真心

如果我的堅強任性　會不小心傷害了你
你能不能溫柔提醒　我雖然心太急
更害怕錯過你

Translation:
Finally made the decision, I won't listen to what other people say
As long as you are also just as certain
I know it all won't be easy
My heart is always brushing up on convincing itself
I'm afraid that you'll suddenly say you want to give up

Love really needs courage to face gossip and rumors
As long as certainty is expressed in your eyes, my love has meaning
We all need courage to believe we'll be together
In a crowded stream of people I can feel you
Putting all your heart into my hands

If my adamant headstrong ways accidentally hurt you
Can you gently remind me? Although my heart is too anxious
I'm more afraid of losing you

Born To Try - Delta Goodrem

[A snippet of the song... a truly meaningful one. :) Do go have a listen if you get the chance.]

No point in talking what you should have been
And regretting the things that went on
Life’s full of mistakes, destinies and fate
Remove the clouds look at the bigger picture

And all that you see is me
And all I truly believe

That I was born to try
I’ve learned to love
Be understanding
And believe in life
But you’ve got to make choices
Be wrong or right
Sometimes you’ve got to sacrifice the things you like

But I was born to try...

When Mr Right comes at the wrong time...

[This is an article that appeared in the NST (M'sia) on Jan 31, 2005, written by Janice Wong. An excellent write-up on what I truly feel is so true. Hope you all enjoy it too.]

Timing is everything, even in love. And when you are not ready to commit, you could end up regretting it.

Sometimes, timing rather than love decides who we end up being with - or without.

Only some lucky people marry the loves of their lives. The rest marry the most suitable person who comes along when they are ready to settle down.

Even if the love of one's life appears when one is single, one may not be in the right frame of mind to recognise him or her as such.

And then love passes by.

Life is littered with near misses and lost opportunities.

I attended my ex-boyfriend's wedding last month, which triggered many memories.

We met five years ago when I was 23 and he 31. It was love at first sight. He had an established career, was down-to-earth and steadfastly religious. I was then working as an air stewardess and my head was - literally and metaphorically - in the clouds.

Despite our differences, we were soulmates. We had the same quirky sense of humour and shared long, intense overnight conversations.

But human nature is perverse. When someone is excessively nice to us, we start taking things for granted, instead of appreciating them even more.

My ex had everything I could want in a husband - except that I was not looking for one. A boyfriend was all I could cope with then. I loved fast cars, danced wildly at Zouk and took off on shopping holidays at a whim. My life revolved around me, myself and I.

In the six months that we were together, he popped the question several times and talked ad nauseam about having children. Yes, I did often fantasize about a Vera Wang wedding gown, but I was at that stage of my life when I was more interested in Guess than Baby Guess.

And where - dare I admit it? - I still wanted to meet other men.

So I was a 23-year-old with the emotional maturity of a 13-year-old. Responsibility? Wasn't that for adults?

In short, I met Mr Right at the wrong time.

The more he talked about marriage, the more I felt pressured and the more pressured I felt, the more irritable I became. I was too impatient to compromise. Every trivial matter blew up as a big deal. My mood obliterated the good in our relationship and reached a point where I just wanted out.

He was heartbroken; I was sad but relieved. He still called me regularly, beseeching me to change my mind. The calls stopped finally after a year. Now and then, we say 'Hi' via e-mail.

I had a few painful relationships after that. Served me right, as those rude wake-up calls were necessary for me to realise the meaninglessness of my hedonistic high life. I missed the tenderness of my ex and began having second thoughts.

Perhaps I also felt more urgency to find someone marriageable before my biological clock reached zero hour. It dawned on me that I am not a pixie like Peter Pan who can flit around forever. One day, I'd wake up sick and alone when my fair weather friends flit away.

But I was too proud and too unsure of my ex's reaction to call him until last year.

The first thing he told me excitedly was that he had found The One. My heard tumbled to my feet. So, that's Fate.

If only I could turn back time. If only I had met him later. If only... what feeble words.

These days, I am more circumspect. I have come to terms with my loss. There is nothing I can do about timing, but I can do everything about my choices.

Sometimes, when the nights get lonely, I toy with the idea of marrying a platonic friend of mine, who often assures me earnestly that, if the worst comes to the worst, he'd be willing to marry me.

But I always dismiss that. I have already made one mistake. I should not make another by settling for second best merely for the sake of getting hitched - only to regret it soon after.

Hopefully, the best is not over but yet to be.

When we risk it all...

We can't blame others when love dwindles away -
For we knew from the start it never promised to stay.

It's just one of those things where the stakes are high -
And sometimes it's forever, and sometimes it's good-bye.

When you love the right way, you will never lose -
No matter what path life may force you to choose.

You may end up with tears, or a broken heart -
But you knew what you signed up for from the start.

You can only give what you've got to give -
And if that's not enough, then you must continue to live.

Life will go on and broken hearts will heal -
You must continue on your quest, for that's the deal.

Throw your heart into life, and never stall -
For the greatest risk is to risk nothing at all.

You see, love is the only thing that we know -
That can be divided and divided but continue to grow.

And life isn't long enough to lock away our heart -
Just because life may have forced two people apart.

We will continue to love and continue to lose -
We will continue to pick and continue to choose.

And then one day we will just risk it all -
Take the chains off our hearts and dismantle the wall.

The last time we love will be the forever -
And never again will our hearts be forced to sever.

We'll never have doubts that it'll go away -
Because this time, it'll be here to stay.

But until then we must endure all the pain -
For we only see sunshine if we can wait through the rain

Good Apples

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.

So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

YOU'RE A GOOD APPLE. SHARE THIS WITH OTHER WOMEN WHO ARE GOOD APPLES, EVEN THOSE WHO HAVE ALREADY BEEN PICKED.